The ways of Sweden 1

The hotel looked like shit but he knew he's seen worse.
His partner in crime had gone inside that thing to confirm arrival. It was only he and the dark of the night city. As he heard the seagull flying above him he remembered, remembered every detail of history that let him here, the good and the bad, he had realized there and then that another bloody journey has begun. The girl walking out of the hotel woke him up from his line of thought. Black and white skirt ending shortly above the knees, closely cut hair and where those high heels? He watched as she disappeared in the night and lit a cigarette, waiting for his partner.
  Not knowing what to expect, he stepped into his room. He was not surprised of it, taking a closer look at the room his emotions have been changing as he looked further inside. From anger to amusement, what looked like a small cabinet for clothes was in reality a spare bed. The wardrobe with no shelf's in it, which he fucking hated. The two badly placed and leveled paintings above the bed. He kept laughing to himself as a madman, looking at the shower with no barrier on the floor, so the water would be everywhere after using it. Something flipped that moment, for some reason, only understood by his own mind, he was comfortable. After taking a shower and stashing all his things, he went to bed. The strange eyes watching him as he was falling asleep.
  The days have been hard to him mostly and the sleep was worth shit. It wasn't the rooms fault though. Maybe it was his bad habits, or the long traveled distance. Whatever it was, now he can't eat without having to force himself into it. Tired and hungry like a zombie, trying to stay socially active, because he has to. Is it stress? He should be happy, so why stress? Asking him self the same question over and over "Why do I feel like shit?!" All he wants to do now is to lay down into his bed and watch the star of the north, see the star one more time. Night after night...
  The quiet night is getting to him and he can feel the cold grasp. Always thinking ahead has become a curse for him, for he did not think hard enough. Everything is quiet now. He's alone in a strange land, clueless of what to do next...


To be continued...

another episode

Selective episodes, well not that selective at all... Why do I feel episodes of distortion? It can take up anything from one day to a month,,, sometimes I'm outgoing and helpful in general,,, and sometimes I keep to my self in a madness bordering way. Things just loosened up at work, new contract and all. And now I find myself trying to cope with everything else, I see a lot of things invading my personal space, agitated in general... Now I just want to be with my self and a bottle of bourbon, not having to interact with anyone, and there is nothing that helps other then then the things that I want. Feel like a complete fuck up sometimes...

Was thinking about L. today, she still didn't updated her blog, worried about her. Thinking of seeing her if I actually go to my sisters wedding in Scotland, Kirkcaldy,,, 

Also: can't wait to get neodymium magnets, in for a group-buy on a bunch of them, can't find anyone to implant them in my fingertips though. Will probably have to do it my self and that's a bitch... 

I'm trying to practise tattooing, but I'm finding it frustratingly impossible to find time for it in between my job and my son and cooking(yeah, that's right, I cook, get over it) for the family. What the fuck am I gonna do when school starts? On the other hand, today I found that my nootropics stack is starting to really rub of on me, memory has improved a hell of a lot, social interaction and stress handling is also much easier. This month I might get some noopept in, can't wait to try. I'm still determined to try poppy tea too. Will have to start working on transhumanist projects and spread it to the masses over here. Acceptance level of augmentation here so far is minimal...

mm-kay... nuf' from me today

touchy about the subject

Had a really dark mood today, don't know what it was. For example: heard a song from Phil Collins "Another day in paradise", remembered the clip I saw ages ago, guy can't cope with things anymore and walks out into the street after an argument with his spouse, gets drugs, gets high, his girl finds him in a back ally next to a dumpster starts crying, he starts crying too, she hugs him and takes him back home to take care of him. Beautiful, really...

Had to switch the song off within 5 seconds. I hate my self for thinking like this, but, sometimes I have these thoughts. See the piston of a needle pull back, seeing a junkie scene in a movie or hearing a freakin' song like that and after all those years I still think of going to the nearest dealer, jack up near OD and space out,,, fuck everything. That pisses me of about addiction, even if you have the will power to overcome it, it never really let's go of you, never...

I used to be a methamphetamine addict, bad case. One of the things my country is famous for is Pervitin, a very potent form of meth. Had to run out of the country to shake the habit. Ran to Scotland-Kirkcaldy.
Very fucking hard times indeed...

Again, I'm going somewhere with this,,, about three hours ago I was wondering out loud about trying to make some poppy tea in the presence of my beloved spouse. Not a good idea,,, she doesn't know me from when I was ... gone(?) roaming funky land. so,,, she didn't take well to it, thinking of the little one and me getting back to drugs. Do I even have to explain this? I'm somewhat touchy about that subject, when she thinks this,,, my head is thinking "how dare you.."(not having any experience with the subject and not realising how proud I am of shaking that fucking gorilla of my back). May be a bit harsh, as a reaction, I don't say that out loud though,,, it simply pisses me of... am I over reacting? or do I deserve to be touchy about the subject???

post scriptum: status report: Energy levels dwindling, depression level rising, will update...