Sweden can be a nice country. Unfortunetly it has lost most of it's cultural and historycal heritage. No viking themed pub, no historical museum. Was it naive to think that there are going to be places like that? I don't think so. Maybe it is because of the lack of tourism, because of the steep prices. I mean 10 bucks for a beer? Come on... Oh, and gues what. No mead! I know!!! There is nothing else then business in that country. True, I only saw one city, but Göteborg as a hub which should be full of culture.
Now I'm glad that I'm back with my family. My boy is growing fast and he is well.
I've missed out on a lot from the grinding comunity as well. Also need to get back to tattooing asap.
I'm getting out of practice. At least I finaly managed to get my drivers licenc.
In other news,: Lepht hasn't updated her blog for two months now. I'm thinking of giving her a call or at least a text. I can still see articles on the web saying she's a reckless punk slicing her self open with a vegetable pealer sterilised with vodka and right after that they say that she's the first one to bring biohacking to the peoples attention. "Whith all due respect" shit... I'm sick of those people. Anything they are afraid to try out, they precieve as a threat. Those bullshit comments about "a bunch of self harming kids on drugs" are doing my head in... Educate your self you fucking fuck! Well, what do I care for them. Education isn't gonna help them anyway. I understand that Tim Cannon is trying to make Grindhouse wetware look more acceptable in the eyes of the public by separating them selfs from cyberpunk L. But this is not the way. I'd like to know what DirectorX thinks of this.
I'm starting to build up a transhumanist/grinder/biohacker comunity over here in CZ. It's going slow, but I think it'll work...
October 23, 2012
September 4, 2012
The ways of Sweden 2
It's been a long two weeks.
As he was standing on the rooftop of the shitty hotel he's spend two weeks of his life in, smoking his cigarette and starring at the full moon his mind was as far away as his home. Thinking what those two weeks gave him. The job was messy, as if it was ever easy. Life was never easy and he did what he had to. "One day it'll be all different" he mumbled quietly under his lip while exhaling the smoke. As he went to bed, the northern star was gone, nowhere to be seen. With the star on his mind he fell asleep.
The next morning he left the Göteborg. It was a long journey. In Czech Republic nothing has changed while he was gone, how could it? His son was growing though, as he held him in his tattooed arms and looked into the little boys eyes he saw himself. "I missed you little one". A small grin emerged on the boys face, or was that just his imagination? I hope you'll never have to do the things that I do, he thought to himself.
Two days after he came back, his phone was ringing. It was his "business" cell. He started to hate that cell long ago, how many more times will he have to pick it up?
"Yes,,, be there in five". Of course it had to be another job...
He walks through the building without looking at anyone, they don't like him here, he's to different to fit in. The door doesn't say anything, it doesn't have to. Everyone knows that door and only a few enter it, he's one of them. He hates that door as much as he hates that cell phone. He doesn't knock as he enters. The office is large with pictures of business men in excessively expensive suits and ties, the place you'd imagine to have a sit down with cigars and expensive cognac in. The grin on his employers face behind the huge wooden desk wakes him up. "It's good to see you again Ghost"...
Yeah right, he thinks to him self. "Skip the pleasantries. What is it this time?"
"Straight to business as always. When are you going to learn to relax?" He won't comment on that. Just keep it cool for a bit longer. "All right then, have it your way. I need you back in Sweden."
A picture of a bullet flying through the fat guys face is going through his mind. Keep it cool, such thoughts are exactly what landed you in this fucking situation anyway. Just keep ti cool a little longer. "When?" No grin on the fat mans face anymore. "Go home, get laid, get some sleep, do what you have to. You're flying tomorrow, you'll get the info about the job when you get there. The usual contact and usual payment." He hated the fat man. That fucking grin on his face, the tone of his voice, everything about that little prick. But he had no choice and he did have some unfinished personal matters in that bright city. Not just that, something was drawing him towards it. Maybe it was the northern star that he hasn't seen for only a few days. Maybe it was the city itself? What ever it was, deep down he wanted to go back there.
No more questions. As he was leaving, the grin on the fat mans face appeared again. Lucky for the fat man, Ghost didn't look back. "Don't fuck it up Ghost. You got only a few more left, remember?" Ghost didn't look back...
He did what he had to as the fat man suggested, not heeding his advice though and left the next morning with the first flight. Planes never where something for him, not the commercial ones. He wasn't afraid of a hi-jack or crash as did some. Just hated the fucking boredom, the clouds below him and the humming of a jet next to his head. Beats fourteen hours by car though, no argument there. Sitting on the plane, his mind was with the northern star. The many nights that he watched her. Glass of whiskey in his hand to beat the boredom, trying to fall asleep...
It looked like the fat man started to feel Ghost's patients stretching thin. This time the hotel was something completely different. Good service, nice room and in a decent part of town too. Some things don't change though. Non-smokers room and not enough place to stash his equipment in. He created some stash place him self then, chipped open a few of the wooden tiles on the floor to hide the most important gear.
Before he gets this job over with, there is one person to find though. A very special person...
To be continued...
As he was standing on the rooftop of the shitty hotel he's spend two weeks of his life in, smoking his cigarette and starring at the full moon his mind was as far away as his home. Thinking what those two weeks gave him. The job was messy, as if it was ever easy. Life was never easy and he did what he had to. "One day it'll be all different" he mumbled quietly under his lip while exhaling the smoke. As he went to bed, the northern star was gone, nowhere to be seen. With the star on his mind he fell asleep.
The next morning he left the Göteborg. It was a long journey. In Czech Republic nothing has changed while he was gone, how could it? His son was growing though, as he held him in his tattooed arms and looked into the little boys eyes he saw himself. "I missed you little one". A small grin emerged on the boys face, or was that just his imagination? I hope you'll never have to do the things that I do, he thought to himself.
Two days after he came back, his phone was ringing. It was his "business" cell. He started to hate that cell long ago, how many more times will he have to pick it up?
"Yes,,, be there in five". Of course it had to be another job...
He walks through the building without looking at anyone, they don't like him here, he's to different to fit in. The door doesn't say anything, it doesn't have to. Everyone knows that door and only a few enter it, he's one of them. He hates that door as much as he hates that cell phone. He doesn't knock as he enters. The office is large with pictures of business men in excessively expensive suits and ties, the place you'd imagine to have a sit down with cigars and expensive cognac in. The grin on his employers face behind the huge wooden desk wakes him up. "It's good to see you again Ghost"...
Yeah right, he thinks to him self. "Skip the pleasantries. What is it this time?"
"Straight to business as always. When are you going to learn to relax?" He won't comment on that. Just keep it cool for a bit longer. "All right then, have it your way. I need you back in Sweden."
A picture of a bullet flying through the fat guys face is going through his mind. Keep it cool, such thoughts are exactly what landed you in this fucking situation anyway. Just keep ti cool a little longer. "When?" No grin on the fat mans face anymore. "Go home, get laid, get some sleep, do what you have to. You're flying tomorrow, you'll get the info about the job when you get there. The usual contact and usual payment." He hated the fat man. That fucking grin on his face, the tone of his voice, everything about that little prick. But he had no choice and he did have some unfinished personal matters in that bright city. Not just that, something was drawing him towards it. Maybe it was the northern star that he hasn't seen for only a few days. Maybe it was the city itself? What ever it was, deep down he wanted to go back there.
No more questions. As he was leaving, the grin on the fat mans face appeared again. Lucky for the fat man, Ghost didn't look back. "Don't fuck it up Ghost. You got only a few more left, remember?" Ghost didn't look back...
He did what he had to as the fat man suggested, not heeding his advice though and left the next morning with the first flight. Planes never where something for him, not the commercial ones. He wasn't afraid of a hi-jack or crash as did some. Just hated the fucking boredom, the clouds below him and the humming of a jet next to his head. Beats fourteen hours by car though, no argument there. Sitting on the plane, his mind was with the northern star. The many nights that he watched her. Glass of whiskey in his hand to beat the boredom, trying to fall asleep...
It looked like the fat man started to feel Ghost's patients stretching thin. This time the hotel was something completely different. Good service, nice room and in a decent part of town too. Some things don't change though. Non-smokers room and not enough place to stash his equipment in. He created some stash place him self then, chipped open a few of the wooden tiles on the floor to hide the most important gear.
Before he gets this job over with, there is one person to find though. A very special person...
To be continued...
August 22, 2012
The ways of Sweden 1
The hotel looked like shit but he knew he's seen worse.
His partner in crime had gone inside that thing to confirm arrival. It was only he and the dark of the night city. As he heard the seagull flying above him he remembered, remembered every detail of history that let him here, the good and the bad, he had realized there and then that another bloody journey has begun. The girl walking out of the hotel woke him up from his line of thought. Black and white skirt ending shortly above the knees, closely cut hair and where those high heels? He watched as she disappeared in the night and lit a cigarette, waiting for his partner.
Not knowing what to expect, he stepped into his room. He was not surprised of it, taking a closer look at the room his emotions have been changing as he looked further inside. From anger to amusement, what looked like a small cabinet for clothes was in reality a spare bed. The wardrobe with no shelf's in it, which he fucking hated. The two badly placed and leveled paintings above the bed. He kept laughing to himself as a madman, looking at the shower with no barrier on the floor, so the water would be everywhere after using it. Something flipped that moment, for some reason, only understood by his own mind, he was comfortable. After taking a shower and stashing all his things, he went to bed. The strange eyes watching him as he was falling asleep.
The days have been hard to him mostly and the sleep was worth shit. It wasn't the rooms fault though. Maybe it was his bad habits, or the long traveled distance. Whatever it was, now he can't eat without having to force himself into it. Tired and hungry like a zombie, trying to stay socially active, because he has to. Is it stress? He should be happy, so why stress? Asking him self the same question over and over "Why do I feel like shit?!" All he wants to do now is to lay down into his bed and watch the star of the north, see the star one more time. Night after night...
The quiet night is getting to him and he can feel the cold grasp. Always thinking ahead has become a curse for him, for he did not think hard enough. Everything is quiet now. He's alone in a strange land, clueless of what to do next...
To be continued...
His partner in crime had gone inside that thing to confirm arrival. It was only he and the dark of the night city. As he heard the seagull flying above him he remembered, remembered every detail of history that let him here, the good and the bad, he had realized there and then that another bloody journey has begun. The girl walking out of the hotel woke him up from his line of thought. Black and white skirt ending shortly above the knees, closely cut hair and where those high heels? He watched as she disappeared in the night and lit a cigarette, waiting for his partner.
Not knowing what to expect, he stepped into his room. He was not surprised of it, taking a closer look at the room his emotions have been changing as he looked further inside. From anger to amusement, what looked like a small cabinet for clothes was in reality a spare bed. The wardrobe with no shelf's in it, which he fucking hated. The two badly placed and leveled paintings above the bed. He kept laughing to himself as a madman, looking at the shower with no barrier on the floor, so the water would be everywhere after using it. Something flipped that moment, for some reason, only understood by his own mind, he was comfortable. After taking a shower and stashing all his things, he went to bed. The strange eyes watching him as he was falling asleep.
The days have been hard to him mostly and the sleep was worth shit. It wasn't the rooms fault though. Maybe it was his bad habits, or the long traveled distance. Whatever it was, now he can't eat without having to force himself into it. Tired and hungry like a zombie, trying to stay socially active, because he has to. Is it stress? He should be happy, so why stress? Asking him self the same question over and over "Why do I feel like shit?!" All he wants to do now is to lay down into his bed and watch the star of the north, see the star one more time. Night after night...
The quiet night is getting to him and he can feel the cold grasp. Always thinking ahead has become a curse for him, for he did not think hard enough. Everything is quiet now. He's alone in a strange land, clueless of what to do next...
To be continued...
August 18, 2012
Sweden
Wow... Things are going rally well. My company even sent me to Sweden to supervise one of our projects for two weeks. Going by car to Götenborg tomorow morning, 14hrs 1414km. Never thought I'll go to Sweden one day. I think I'm gonna visit Stockholm as well.
My son is healthy and ok, my wife is fantastic and supportive, I'm glad I have them....
When I get back from Sweden, I have an H+ project to start. Bare conductive ink tattooed on pig skin, if this works I'll be able to power implants through tattoos, which of course would be awesome. Will post results and photos when I start.
Ok, enough for today, damn hangover...
My son is healthy and ok, my wife is fantastic and supportive, I'm glad I have them....
When I get back from Sweden, I have an H+ project to start. Bare conductive ink tattooed on pig skin, if this works I'll be able to power implants through tattoos, which of course would be awesome. Will post results and photos when I start.
Ok, enough for today, damn hangover...
August 9, 2012
another episode
Selective episodes, well not that selective at all... Why do I feel episodes of distortion? It can take up anything from one day to a month,,, sometimes I'm outgoing and helpful in general,,, and sometimes I keep to my self in a madness bordering way. Things just loosened up at work, new contract and all. And now I find myself trying to cope with everything else, I see a lot of things invading my personal space, agitated in general... Now I just want to be with my self and a bottle of bourbon, not having to interact with anyone, and there is nothing that helps other then then the things that I want. Feel like a complete fuck up sometimes...
Was thinking about L. today, she still didn't updated her blog, worried about her. Thinking of seeing her if I actually go to my sisters wedding in Scotland, Kirkcaldy,,,
Also: can't wait to get neodymium magnets, in for a group-buy on a bunch of them, can't find anyone to implant them in my fingertips though. Will probably have to do it my self and that's a bitch...
I'm trying to practise tattooing, but I'm finding it frustratingly impossible to find time for it in between my job and my son and cooking(yeah, that's right, I cook, get over it) for the family. What the fuck am I gonna do when school starts? On the other hand, today I found that my nootropics stack is starting to really rub of on me, memory has improved a hell of a lot, social interaction and stress handling is also much easier. This month I might get some noopept in, can't wait to try. I'm still determined to try poppy tea too. Will have to start working on transhumanist projects and spread it to the masses over here. Acceptance level of augmentation here so far is minimal...
mm-kay... nuf' from me today
August 8, 2012
Breaking news!
This just in:
Fuckin' A! Had a sit down with my boss a minute ago, hope I'm not jinxin' it but he said that he will re-new my contract!! I can't even say how relieved I am right now, I'm trembling =)
He'll give me a bit less money, cause of the cuts, but I get to keep my job which is Fuckin' A. Take that, depression! This is really a load of my back...
In other news:
Now that I'm reading my previous posts, it might be that I'm writing a bit intuitively, please do excuse my writing, my physical ass was manufactured in Czech Republic where it also resides at this time. So if anything seems unclear, please don't hesitate to comment...
Ghost out...
Fuckin' A! Had a sit down with my boss a minute ago, hope I'm not jinxin' it but he said that he will re-new my contract!! I can't even say how relieved I am right now, I'm trembling =)
He'll give me a bit less money, cause of the cuts, but I get to keep my job which is Fuckin' A. Take that, depression! This is really a load of my back...
In other news:
Now that I'm reading my previous posts, it might be that I'm writing a bit intuitively, please do excuse my writing, my physical ass was manufactured in Czech Republic where it also resides at this time. So if anything seems unclear, please don't hesitate to comment...
Ghost out...
August 7, 2012
touchy about the subject
Had a really dark mood today, don't know what it was. For example: heard a song from Phil Collins "Another day in paradise", remembered the clip I saw ages ago, guy can't cope with things anymore and walks out into the street after an argument with his spouse, gets drugs, gets high, his girl finds him in a back ally next to a dumpster starts crying, he starts crying too, she hugs him and takes him back home to take care of him. Beautiful, really...
Had to switch the song off within 5 seconds. I hate my self for thinking like this, but, sometimes I have these thoughts. See the piston of a needle pull back, seeing a junkie scene in a movie or hearing a freakin' song like that and after all those years I still think of going to the nearest dealer, jack up near OD and space out,,, fuck everything. That pisses me of about addiction, even if you have the will power to overcome it, it never really let's go of you, never...
I used to be a methamphetamine addict, bad case. One of the things my country is famous for is Pervitin, a very potent form of meth. Had to run out of the country to shake the habit. Ran to Scotland-Kirkcaldy.
Very fucking hard times indeed...
Again, I'm going somewhere with this,,, about three hours ago I was wondering out loud about trying to make some poppy tea in the presence of my beloved spouse. Not a good idea,,, she doesn't know me from when I was ... gone(?) roaming funky land. so,,, she didn't take well to it, thinking of the little one and me getting back to drugs. Do I even have to explain this? I'm somewhat touchy about that subject, when she thinks this,,, my head is thinking "how dare you.."(not having any experience with the subject and not realising how proud I am of shaking that fucking gorilla of my back). May be a bit harsh, as a reaction, I don't say that out loud though,,, it simply pisses me of... am I over reacting? or do I deserve to be touchy about the subject???
post scriptum: status report: Energy levels dwindling, depression level rising, will update...
Had to switch the song off within 5 seconds. I hate my self for thinking like this, but, sometimes I have these thoughts. See the piston of a needle pull back, seeing a junkie scene in a movie or hearing a freakin' song like that and after all those years I still think of going to the nearest dealer, jack up near OD and space out,,, fuck everything. That pisses me of about addiction, even if you have the will power to overcome it, it never really let's go of you, never...
I used to be a methamphetamine addict, bad case. One of the things my country is famous for is Pervitin, a very potent form of meth. Had to run out of the country to shake the habit. Ran to Scotland-Kirkcaldy.
Very fucking hard times indeed...
Again, I'm going somewhere with this,,, about three hours ago I was wondering out loud about trying to make some poppy tea in the presence of my beloved spouse. Not a good idea,,, she doesn't know me from when I was ... gone(?) roaming funky land. so,,, she didn't take well to it, thinking of the little one and me getting back to drugs. Do I even have to explain this? I'm somewhat touchy about that subject, when she thinks this,,, my head is thinking "how dare you.."(not having any experience with the subject and not realising how proud I am of shaking that fucking gorilla of my back). May be a bit harsh, as a reaction, I don't say that out loud though,,, it simply pisses me of... am I over reacting? or do I deserve to be touchy about the subject???
post scriptum: status report: Energy levels dwindling, depression level rising, will update...
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